The Journey From Vietnam to Hawaii
Profilers: Tehya Romero, Nollan Xu, Lelena Lemma, Erin Oh, Amanda Yang
Q: Can you describe your family life while you were in Vietnam?
I don’t remember much family life, but it was very… I just remember it being very depressing, in a way. A lot of people, the uncertainty… of course I didn’t know anything about it, just go to school and come back, see everyone talk about the future of how things were going. Of course, I was born in 1971 during the war, and there was a lot of uncertainty going around in the town and city, so people were just talking and worried about the future I guess.
Q: Did you have any family members involved in the war?
Yes, actually my uncle was… I was told was the prime minister’s bodyguard, and I just recently found out that my biological father was a… I’ve got to fact check this, but was a one star general, so I’m not too sure on that.
Q: In the Vietnamese army?
In the U.S. army, yeah. So I don’t know how or if I can fact check that because I’ve never known my biological father, and I’m still trying to find him. Whether he’s still alive or not, I would like to know if there’s still family out there on his side.
Q: What else do you remember about your life in Vietnam before you had to leave?
Well, I remember going to the park playing… one of the few things I remember, and my mom said it was one of my favorites, was going to the open market and buying sugarcane. That was like one of my favorite things to do. But other than that, I don’t remember too much other stuff. I think that’s about it.
Q: So how old were you when you left Vietnam?
I was four years old when we left.
Q: Did you have an understanding about why you had to leave?
No. All I know was that we had to go. And it was always in a moment of like, we rush, we wait here. Rush somewhere else, we wait. So of course, four years old, you don’t know what’s going on. You just see everyone stressed, anxiety, panic, and you just go with the flow. And I guess I remember being constantly scared.
Q: Do you have any stories about your journey leaving Vietnam?
Okay. So that’s interesting because I spoke with my mother about that and, I remember leaving with my stepfather, my younger brother, my mom, and we rushed out with like a suitcase, some clothes, rushed to the U.S. embassy. And we stayed there. I don’t know, I don’t remember how long we stayed there, but according to my mom, we stayed there a few days. Then, we were supposed to be transported to the coastline, and at the coastline—from a bus, from a bus, transported to the coastline. And from the coastline, we were supposed to—I don’t know how, but we were supposed to get onto a carrier. But the day we were supposed to leave, I remember we were running and everyone was panicked and we got on the bus. And as we’re leaving, I don’t remember this part but my mother said that the bus before us left the embassy and blew up. So, everybody kind of panicked. My mom told my dad, “We’ve got to get off this bus”, she’d rather be airlifted out by helicopter. And my stepfather kept saying, no, no, no. So as the bus was ready to leave, my mom stopped the bus, and got us—me and my brother—off the bus, and my father followed. So we got off. As the bus was going out, another explosion, but the bus didn’t explode—it was somebody threw a grenade in front of the bus. So the bus driver abandoned the bus and everybody ran off the bus and ran back into the compound. And then when we got back into the embassy and they locked the doors, we were there for another day or two before they did the mass evacuation with the helicopters and got everybody left inside the embassy out. From there, I remember we jumped onto a helicopter and then we flew onto a aircraft carrier that was parked outside. And we all landed, we got off, and they’re huddling everybody on the side and there were so many helicopters coming back that they had to make room. So they started pushing helicopters off the carrier to make room. They’re abandoning, I mean, billions of dollars worth of equipment pushed off the side of the boat. And then we went down into the aircraft carrier and we waited, and then I remember my mom waking me up. It was early in the morning, it was still dark. We loaded onto this platform, and next thing the side of the carrier doors opened. It didn’t make sense to me. And we floated out to another ship, and there was a barge that was connected, that we were kind of like tossed onto this barge and then tossed onto the ship landing area. There was like a cargo net that we all had to climb to get onto the ship. So that day was very traumatizing because there was so many people that died there. Like the rough waters, people—because it was so high off the water, once you fell in the water you couldn’t climb back up. It was too high, too many people, they didn’t have time to stop and try and save you. It was everybody tried to get on that all these other banana boats, fisherman boats, coming out that were trying to get onto this carrier. Once you got on, you’re good. So, my stepfather tossed me to a U.S. soldier that grabbed me and then tossed me onto the platform, and another U.S. soldier climbed with me because I was four. And then my dad had my brother, he climbed up, and my mom, some other soldier helped here and we were able to climb up and we got up. And because we got the boat a little later, there were several floors that were just packed with people. So we actually had to stay on the roof. And I think we were on the boat for, I felt like it was for a few days. My mom said we were on that for like five days, in the sun, weather. All we did was eat rice, canned tuna, and we ended up in Guam. And then from Guam, I think we were there—to me it didn’t seem long, but my mom said we were there for a few months. And then we flew to Hawaii, but we were supposed to continue onto California, but because she had her sister-in-law living here, they were able to sponsor us to stay here. So we kind of lucked out and ended up in Hawaii. So that’s about the gist of all that—how we were able to get out and come here.
Q: Wow. So did your parents tell you about life before, and then during the war—I mean, their experiences? Because I know you were young.
I don’t know too much about my mother’s childhood before the war. The stories that she used to tell us was just that she didn’t have a really good upbringing. Her parents divorced at a young—when she was very young. And her her dad remarried, and she lived with her dad, and her stepmother used to abuse her, like physically, and made her do—I mean life back then was hard, there was no child services or anything, I mean so she had a very hard upbringing. And every time I try and talk to her about it, she gets very traumatized, and so I try to back off from that. But it—I know it affects her. But the war-wise, no, she just told me that after, when we left, the rest of her family was left behind. My uncle that was kind of like the prime minister’s bodyguard in the area, they were all put in prison, hard labor. I saw his before pictures and then his after pictures—it was crazy. It was crazy how much weight he lost, how scrawny he became. But now he’s here, he’s living on the island and you look at him and he’s just a tall, gentle man. And then you heard he used to be able to kick ass. It just blows my mind. But, other than that, my father—my stepfather—I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him. He was very old school, quiet, no emotions, no—you try and ask him questions, it’s one word answers. Unfortunately he passed away already, so there’s no way of knowing anything.
Q: What was your first impression of—let’s say Hawaii, because you made a pit stop, right? And then you ended up here.
So obviously, well I mean, you can’t tell now, because I’m old now—but I was born with blonde hair, white kid, and in Vietnam I stood out. So my grandfather that raised me—my obviously Vietnamese grandfather—he, according to my mom, I was his favorite because I looked different from all the other kids. And so, all of the villagers outside of the city rarely see a white kid with blonde hair. So everywhere I went, people wanted to touch this white baby. So they would pick me up and carry me, and so obviously I stood out. But later on, when I got older, they had to dye my hair black. Because when we would travel across the country, they said Viet Cong would pick off anybody that was white, you know. Or, I could be kidnapped and put in an orphanage and away from the parents. So, me coming here, I could only speak Vietnamese. And it blew everybody’s mind because when I first got to Hawaii—I don’t know how it was in Guam, but I remember coming to Hawaii, going to—I went to many different public schools because they didn’t have translators. They, I mean, Vietnamese people were relatively new at the time, so not too many other foreigners that were here that could speak both languages. So for them to try and teach me English, there was obviously a language barrier. So I went bouncing from school to school, and it’s—I had to learn on the street with kids, and I used to get picked on. Everyone would speak to me because I looked white, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I’d get that look like what is wrong with this kid. So, unfortunately I lost all that. I wish I could speak both languages, but I’ve got to get back and learn Vietnamese again. But yeah, other than that, I mean, my first few years of elementary were challenging because I was learning English—slowly losing Vietnamese because only my mom would speak to me but we were trying to teach her English, as we’re learning it—so, I lost the Vietnamese along the way.
Q: Did you experience any- any moments where you kinda got over that and you had to feel accepted? Or what was the turning point or like?
Um, I don’t, I don’t remember there was a moment where I felt finally accepted. I mean, I remember when we first got here, we lived, um, on Hobron Lane in Waikīkī, and it was not the best place to be, it was kinda like the ghetto back then, and I remember me getting into fights with all the neighborhood kids because I didn’t speak the language, um, my brother because he was my half-brother, he looks Korean, so he had straight black hair. I had blond, curly hair. And, people just couldn’t imagine back then, back in 70s, that this is, uh, a weird dynamic and all we had was each other, and we had to fight the neighborhood kids. And my mom would have to come out to help, and then, they can’t understand her and they’re making fun of her, they’re making fun of us. But, I guess, I want to say that we lived there maybe a year and then we moved out of there to Salt Lake. And Salt Lake is when, I started, you know, I knew, I knew some English already. Um, I made a lot of friends in the neighborhood. There was a big Vietnamese community in Salt Lake at the time, too, so my mom kinda, like, made friends around the neighborhood. So, it wasn’t so bad.
Q: So did your family ever talk about, maybe as you got older, Vietnam or the war, often in your—?
No. I think it’s a sore and traumatizing moment. I went back when I was 22-years-old and, I guess my mom was hoping that I would forget a lot of things. And I guess I remembered more than I thought, because when we were driving around, like going to visit family, you know, I’d pass a park and I would go, “Hey I used to play at that park. I remember that. I remember that.” And they still had some of the park infrastructure there. So my mom was like “Oh my god, yeah, he remembers that because we use to go there, and we did this and we did that.” So, um, and then we would get to the house, and I’m like “well I remember this, but I don’t remember this road.” And they’re like, “Oh yeah, they just built that road.” And so, that kinda stuff, my mom was kinda hoping I would remember so I wouldn’t be traumatized. But I don’t think I have any kinda lasting trauma where I feel like I have PTSD, I guess. Maybe I do, maybe it’s locked deep. I don’t know.
Q: Do you think your relationship with Vietnam has changed because of the war?
Um, I don’t know. Like, I don’t know enough to, to know if there is any change. I know that’s where I”m from. I want to feel like I belong. But I also lived here my whole life, and I also love this culture, you know. So, that’s a tough question. I want to feel more like I belong in Vietnam, as well. Cause, that’s, you know, where I’m from, bloodline, my family’s still there. But I very much love it here as well. I mean, when I say here, I mean Hawaii. Hawaii is very, very unique as well, compared to the rest of the United States. So, that’s a hard question to answer, so.
Q: Is there any advice you would tell your younger self today after learning what you learned through the stories that you learned later?
Study harder. No, I mean, I’d definitely tell myself to keep the language. I mean, anybody, if you can speak multiple languages, obviously it, you, you can benefit from it and other people can benefit from it. Um, I work full time as a firefighter. So, many times I went on a medical where they only spoke Vietnamese. I could understand a little bit. But I couldn’t communicate that. So, if I, I mean, if I could speak the language, I mean, that would have helped the situation way lot better. I can understand that they’re scared at the time, they can’t express, or not express it but communicate what they mean or what they want. And if I could’ve helped in any way, that would’ve been way better. So, I’d probably tell my younger self to study harder and keep the language as much as possible. Learn, speak it, and, and read and write the language. It would’ve been very helpful.
Q: Is there anything else you would like to share about anything?
I mean there’s so much, um, that I, I, I know and remember, but there all, you know, pieces and, and, so, it’s hard to come up with something and bring up what, um. One of the incidents happened when we were just about to leave was, um, the story I got from my mom was that my, because, my Korean fa-, my step-father he’s Korean. And he was there as an engineer working for the U.S. military, so he wasn’t, he was a civilian. And he was there to help build roads. And so, his company got word that they had a four hour head start to get out of there before the Viet Cong was coming. So, he quickly packed up and left to come find us. I was at school, and, um, my mom or our house was maybe a couple hundred yards down the road from the school, and, I don’t remember this but my mom told me that she heard a couple loud explosions. Somebody threw grenades into the school. And I don’t know if anybody died or anybody got hurt, but it caused a mass panic and everybody went screaming, running around trying to find safety. And everybody panicked, so much so, that the teachers left. They abandoned the school, left the students, all the kids running around, crying, screaming, trying. Didn’t know where to go. So my mom rushed to the school to find me and everybody on the streets was running around screaming. And she couldn’t find me, but I was able to find her. I saw her, ran up to her, grabbed her, and she rushed us home. And then, um, we hid in our house and I think where my stepfather was working was further north. So he was rushing home, which took a day to get to where we were, so they were slowly making their way down. So when he came to us, he was able to get us, and then we rushed to the embassy, and we made it in before it was overcrowded and before they shut the gates. So, we were, we were there. So, all the documentaries you see of the U.S. embassy being evacuated, we were actually there, you know, when, when all that mass evacuation. I tried to find, um, online or, or whatever videos I could find of that. And maybe see something that might trigger memory, and I, not too much documents about that day filming, but it was pretty crazy. I mean, but, other than that, I don’t remember too much other things, but it’s interesting. And then when I ask my mom, she, she adds a little more every time, like chips away at letting me know what happened. So, from her, me looking at her, I mean, she’s one of the strongest women I know to, to endure that, come here, and start all over again. And, she, she kinda had to do it by herself because my father was a Korean national. So, when he came here, he had to go back to Korea to, um, to settle things before he could give and get his visa to come here. So we were here for almost a year before my father, my stepfather could come and, and unite with us. So. Kinda crazy.
Q: So on that note, do you think that your relationship with your parents, I guess specifically your mom, strengthened as you grew older and you learned more about the Vietnam War?
Um, I don’t know. Like, like my, I, like, I always saw my mom as a strong, strong person. Um. Like, even with her friends, like, she’s like the, I don’t want to say ring leader, but she’s the one that always makes the plans and everyone comes around and, and, and, you know, she’s kinda like the alpha of her friends. But not in a mean way or anything like that, it’s just kinda like, she always took kinda control and, um, so strengthen-wise. I don’t think so. Um, I think, I think if I was a little older and understood more of what we went through, and, and, I mean now that we’re adults, I’m always around, asking her questions, and, but it’s, I don’t think it’s like strengthened, I think we’re, we’re solid. I don’t think it’s one of those things where I feel more I gotta, you know. But that’s still my mom, right so. My mom is a strong woman, so. Oh, oh, I do remember story, because my mom doesn’t know U.S. schools and times and, my very first day at Salt Lake Elementary, I remember going to school, she dropped me off, she said “I’ll be back.” She didn’t realize that school got out at 2. Because my brother was so little, he went to daycare, daycare was from 8-5. So, after school, I walked out to the gate, waited at the school, and I’m watching all my friends leave, all the school bus leave, everybody, slowly the school started to getting empty and empty, and I was the last kid. And I thought that my mom, my family had abandoned me. And I felt like, I had, I remember this, I had the similar feeling of trauma, of Vietnam, and I was there, and I started crying, and I had no idea what to do. So, I ended up walking, and I left the school, panicked, crying, and just walking down the street. And nobody cared. Like they just saw this kid crying walking down the street and everyone was just kinda like ignored this kid. And I remember I walked for like 30 minutes, I mean I walked a long time, I walked far. And for some miraculous, I walked, I walked in the right direction because when I looked up I recognize my building. And I felt this relief, so I Started running towards the building, went up stairs, and I opened the door, and my mom had some of my friends over and they were just hanging out. And my mom said, “What are you doing home?” And I like yelled at her in front of everyone, like, “You left me!” And I was like crying and screaming, and I ran into my room and locked the door. And my mom was like, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” But I was traumatized, like my mom abandoned me, but, so, after that my mom made sure she was on time to get me from school every day. But that, that traumatized me, I don’t, uh, I remember, I remember that really, all the time, so. It was funny.
Q: Any last comments or anything?
A: No, I’m supposed to go back to Vietnam soon. And hopefully, I can learn more about my biological father. Um, I’d like to know that side of the family. You know. I’m hoping I’m related to Elon Musk or Gates, you know. But other than that, no, that’s, that’s about it so.
Q: Okay. Thank you so much for sharing and everything.